14th Short - [Video/Written/Action]

[kingofwaste]

[Oswald has placed himself strategically in front of the camera. The strum of a harp, then he begins to sing.]

Ladies and gents, boys and girls,
Lend me all your ear!
Ladies and gents, boys and girls,
The next Hydra Social list is heeere!~

[The song picks up speed as more instruments join in. A drum, a trumpet, an upbeat piano to bring more cheer into the tune… Where is the music coming from? It’s impossible to tell.]

Hydra Social, Hydra Social, our very own penpal project!
Hydra Social, Hydra Social, a way for everyone to connect!
Are you looking for new buddies?
No need to sweat, no need to fret!
With a little correspondence,
A pal’s exactly what you’ll get!

[The tune slows again as Oswald explains the principle of the project.]

Everyone’s partnered up at random!
The rest is easy, ‘cause you see,
You can just use the journals,
To send your letter, one two three!
Make pals with total strangers!
Spreading friendship through Luceti is an easy feat!
Just check this list to find your partner,
Then pick up your pen to meet and greet!


[The following list is shoved into the journal’s view. Usernames are not actually included in the list, of course.]

Walter Delques (blackteriques) + Utena Tenjou (revolutionarygirl)
Leon (fellpool) + Ayumu (sundead)
Yotsuba Koiwai (rollypolyclover) + James Norrington (abidinglaw)
Yukio Okumura (sharpness) + Fattycakes (puubuu)
Kotarou Inugami (dontforget) + Ling Yao (avaricious)
Fuuko Ibuki (starfishlovesyou) + Pao-lin (i_am_not_cute)
Cyborg (cannoneer) + Yoh Asakura (mikanphones)
Asbel Lhant (drawnbythesword) + Rudy Roughnight (ofwesternwinds)
Roku (flameoroku) + Hiccup (dragoneer)
Kazuma Kval (moezama) + Gracia Hughes (contentedly)
Ikki (breezing) + Gilbert Nightray (chainedraven)
Orphen (trollkiller) + Caius Qualls (accepted)
Claude C. Kenny (mirrorblade) + Ami Mizuno (geniustheveil)
Precis F. Neumann (rocketpunch) + Isamu (musubi)
Cecilia (teardropshaman) + Frey Falenas (falenandawn)
Scully (poorqueequeg) + Major Richard Sharpe (greenjacketed)
Reimu Hakurei (illusionarymoon) + Tear Grants (seleniahymn)
Kratos Aurion (shiningbinds) + Aang (savedtheworld)
Jeb Parmalee (sketchingideals) + Leonardo (fearless_leader)
Kain Highwind (dragoon_pride) + Atsuro Kihara (ctrlaltdemons)
Vincent Valentine (thenightmarebegins) + Vivi Nefertari (alabastajewel)
Jay The Unseen (unseenspy) + Usagi Tsukino (lunas)
Saleh (mountain_sage) + Molly Carpenter (talentsgirl)
Asch the Bloody (dissonates) + Grune (lostinmyway)
Edward Elric (automailed) + Emil (snowwhiteproject)
Winry Rockbell (installing) + Luke (hisapprentice)
Shiemi Moriyama (shamelessness) + Kyon (menial)
Haruhi Suzumiya (godbent) + Hugo (luredbypower)
Elicia Hughes (asobouyo) + Raven (crisisrain)
Sayo (memoryboxes) + Minato Arisato (emp3thy)
Rin Okumura (rashness) + Molly Hooper (thenoonewhosees)
Henry Wellard (bravelad) + Leonhardt (eyesofstrength)
Keiichi Maebara (breaks_destiny) + Sokka (markofthewise)
Phoenix Ikki (uccellodifuoco) + Greg Bleakman (vor)
Anise Tatlin (failguardian) + Beast (tailasoldastime)
Amelia (thedicearecast) + Robert Hastings (semper_cogitans)
Yuan (fortunefail) + Kaname Tanuma (kindaqueer)
Dhaos (whatdeheckisthat) + Nagisa Furukawa (cherishedmiracle)
Helios (folklorist) + Princess Celestia (herroyalsunrise)
Yun (tolivefortoday) + Silver (tsunsandsteals)
Hayate Ayasaki (whimsicalwinds) + Hiro Kageyama (everyonesconfidant)
Giovanni (oftheland) + Len Drale (hidingworks)
Rapunzel (gleamed) + Luce (inheavenslight)
Eiko (tiearibbon) + Patty Fleur (ps3pirate)

[Then it’s back to Oswald, as the music continues on a very slow pace.]

And while I’ve still got your attention,
There’s one more thing to saahaaay!~

[The clash of symbals, an odd ‘whoop’ sound and the song picks up speed yet again for an overly cheerful finale.]

That is, you folks should not forget
Upcoming Oswald Day!
With parades, balloons and fire works,
It’s gonna be a blast!
Stay tuned for more info ‘cause
September fifth’s approaching faahaast!~

[And then the music cuts off, as Oswald takes a deep bow. The faint sound of applause is heard, but this one is clearly just a pre-recorded tape.]


[Written / Filtered to certain characters]

[Very shortly afterwards, several residents will receive a private note in their journals. It’s clearly directed to them and no other characters can see it, but the message will read the same for everyone.]

Dear Hydra Social participant,

It has come to my attention that you have not gotten in touch with your penpal yet. Either that, or you haven’t been convincing enough to get your pal to return your letters. This is your first warning. Kindly get to that as soon as possible, or there will be consequences. I am not bluffing. Don’t think I won’t hunt you down, because I will. You’ll never see me coming, either. You won’t know I’m hassling you until it’s too late. Besides, you are hurting your pal’s feelings. Shame on you.

Kind regards,
Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.
Unofficial Second Senior Undersecretary of the S.O.S. Brigade.
Most Famous Cartoon Rabbit.

[The characters who received this message are: Ling, Amelia, Hiccup, Asch, Edward Elric, Phoenix Ikki and Yuan. It was supposed to go to “Greg Bleakman” as well, but the filter didn’t work for some odd reason.]


[Action]

[And so, Oswald has once again entered the grocery store in order to await the repeat offenders and call them out in person. This time, he's hoping to corner Saleh, Leonhardt and Greg. Instead of hiding between the apples, he's perched on top of a high shelf containing boxes of cereal and other breakfast foods.

Feel free to wonder why there's a cartoon rabbit watching you as you shop.]

Comments

[action]

[kingofwaste]

Sure did. A little birdie told me you haven't been writing to your penpal, see.

[action]

[vor]

…I don’t have a pen pal. I didn’t sign up for one.

[Oh, it's that guy. Thing. Whatever.]

[action]

[kingofwaste]

It don't matter that you didn't sign up. You have a penpal and now you've gotta deal with 'm.

[Yup. This project is totally fair.]

[action]

[vor]

[Gregor grabs some orange spice tea from the shelf and turns away to start his hunt for the honey.]

[action]

[kingofwaste]

[hafsdkdj oh no ya don't! Oswald makes a quick sidestep to try and get in front of Gregor again.]

Oy, didn't your mother teach you any manners? When people talk to you, you're supposed to listen to 'm!

[action]

[vor]

Usually, yes. [Gregor is very, very neutral.] My mother also taught me when to ignore someone who's pestering you for no reason.

[Granted, that applied more to political rivals, but still.]

[action]

[kingofwaste]

You think makin' friends isn't a reason? If you're gonna be stuck here for years on end, why not get to know your neighbors better, huh?

[action]

[vor]

Not everyone is suited to making new acquaintances on demand.

[Which is one area where he and his job don't get along.]

[action]

[kingofwaste]

It's really not that hard. Ya talk to a person and then that's it- You're acquaintances. Get to know 'm better and then you're pals.

[action]

[vor]

I have friends.

[About...three. And he grew up with one of them.]

[action]

[kingofwaste]

Right here? In Luceti? Enough friends to come help you out when you're in a pickle? Enough friends to throw you a big surprise party when it's your birthday?

[action]

[vor]

You realize this isn't any of your business.

[action]

[kingofwaste]

It was made my business when Haruhi put me in charge of this project. The whole point of this is to get people in Luceti to open up to each other and become a better community.

[action]

[vor]

...And she thinks this is how to accomplish it?

[action]

[kingofwaste]

Would you really have talked to people if I wasn't giving you a nudge in the right direction?

[action]

[vor]

I haven't talked to anyone because of you.

[action]

[kingofwaste]

Wh- Are you serious? How does that even work?

[action]

[vor]

Everyone I speak to, I speak to of my own accord? There's trouble in a system that requires the actions of one person for anyone to make contact with anyone else.

[action]

[kingofwaste]

Oh. Oh, that's what you meant. [For a second there, he thought Greg meant he hadn't been speaking to anyone because of Oswald, just to prove a stubborn point.]

Look, don't think of it as me forcing your hand. Just think of it as me giving you advice to talk to that person, and then ya go ahead and do it.

[action]

[vor]

I know exactly how to talk to a person. [He's a diplomat. Among other things.] I don't need practice on a specific one. And again, I'd like to point out this isn't any of your business.

[action]

[kingofwaste]

If ya won't do it for me or for yourself, then at least do it for your partner! Hydra Social is a two-way street. If you won't write to your pal, how're they supposed to make friends?

[action]

[vor]

[The same way as everyone else? It’s enough that he has to do this back home, isn’t it? Initiating social relationships makes him anxious. Luceti was a place he thought he might be allowed to be shy, for once. And a cartoon rabbit is griping at him for indulging. Gregor could tap into his powers of manipulation and shrug off this imposed responsibility, but what then? The Cordelia on his shoulder is giving him a dirty look. And it might be nice to have male friends his own age, besides Ivan.]

…You tell me. What’s he like?

[action]

[kingofwaste]

[Oh. Oswald was not expecting that question. He frowns for a second.] He's uh... Well, he's a bit of a wise guy. Trust me, he needs all the help he can get with learning how to deal with people.

[action]

[vor]

How old?

[action]

[kingofwaste]

How old? Geez, I don't know... Twenty? Twenty-five? Somewhere around that age, probably.