11th Short - [Voice/Written]

[kingofwaste]

[Voice]

Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, lend me your ears! It is time that I, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, announce one of the S.O.S. Brigade’s latest- and most grand, if I do say so myself- project! A project for all you wallflowers who are too shy to make friends! Let’s have a drumroll, please!

[And he does, indeed, get a drumroll. Rather, he produces one himself, with an actual little drum.]

It’s Project Hydra Social!

Unbeknownst to you all, I’ve been watching the village and gathering names for the past month or two. These lucky residents, who were selected and partnered completely at random, are goin’ to be penpals from now on! Don’t know what penpals are? Don’t worry, it’s easy! Ya just send each other a letter every so often. Doesn’t matter if you use the journals or send a real letter, as long as it reaches your partner! So be sure to check this list here and see if you're on it!


[The following has been scribbled down in an untidy, but still readable handwriting. Usernames are not actually included in the list, of course.]

Walter (blackteriques) + Aoba (penetrated)
Leon (fellpool) + Sayo (memoryboxes)
Kratos (shiningbinds) + Hiccup (dragoneer)
Jeb (sketchingideals) + Helios (folklorist)
Mega Man Volnutt (purestpurifier) + Elicia (asobouyo)
Tear (seleniahymn) + Rise (analyzing)
Eyes (bloodypocket) + Yui (bigsiskonagi)
Mewtwo (antlioncyclone) + Pao-lin (i_am_not_cute)
Frey (falenandawn) + Ginia (shadedsunlight)
Dist the Runny (its_rose_damnit) + Zelda (zelda_hylia)
Luka Megurine (imxperfectlife) + Vincent Valentine (thenightmarebegins)
Amelia (thedicearecast) + Edward (automailed)
Vincent Nightray (keepitinthefamily) + Hubert (ozwell)
Kain (dragoon_pride) + Link (blessedbyfarore)
Haruhi (godbent) + Sheik the Pizza Guy (ombra_lira)
Kazuma (moezama) + Loki (mythbuster)
Jay (unseenspy) + Leo (statice)
Saleh (mountain_sage) + Ami (geniustheveil)
Asch the Grumpy Bloody (dissonates) + James Norrington (abidinglaw)
Atsuro (ctrlaltdemons) + Robert (semper_cogitans)
Vivi (alabastajewel) + Kyon (menial)
Keiichi (breaks_destiny) + Gilbert (chainedraven)
Yuan (fortunefail) + Anise (failguardian)
Grune (lostinmyway) + Ayumu (sundead)
Bulma (capsuleprincess) + Dhaos (whatdeheckisthat)
Spada (forgiatura) + Minato (emp3thy)
Makoto (alexandrite) + Minako (evoking)
Beast (tailasoldastime) + Usagi (lunas)
Estelle (inabook) + Barnaby Brooks Jr. (mindgooshed)
Winry (installing) + Isamu (musubi)
Leonhardt (eyesofstrength) + Caius (accepted)
Henry (bravelad) + Mao (blazing_heart)
Ikki (uccellodifuoco) + Rin (rashness)
Azusa (mythmaker) + Shiemi (shamelessness)
Derek (rather_be_surfing) + Reyson (heartofahawk)

Participation is mandatory! If I find out you’re not sendin’ letters to your partner, I’ll know where to find ya and it won’t be pretty. Got any questions? Just lemme know.

Again, Project Social Hydra is an initiative brought to you by the one and only S.O.S. Brigade! … And uh… It was Haruhi’s idea, I guess.

Comments

Voice

[zelda_hylia]

Won't be pretty? Are you threatening people?

Voice 1/2

[kingofwaste]

What? No, no!

[Voice]

[unseenspy]

Oh really?

[As someone who's taken great care not to let his location be known, Jay is not pinged in a good way.]

And just how do you intend to find me?

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

[Alas, Jay, Oswald has a secret weapon. It's not blackmail, really. Just good intent executed in an aggressive manner.]

I'll just ask your friend, Grune. She's the one who gave me your name.

voice

[underspring]

What about me? Am I not interesting enough to be picked?

voice

[kingofwaste]

Oh, you can sign up, if you want! I'll jot down your name and partner you up with someone later. Right now I'm doin' a bit of a beta test to see if the project catches on like it should.

[this is not an actual reply]

[ledbythewind]

[Those names on the list... those match-ups. Richard can only take credit for one of them, but that doesn't mean he can't get a good laugh out of some of the others, which is what he's going to be doing right now.]

[Voice]

[installing]

[Oh dear god Isamu? Really? This will be a task and a half.]

How often do we have to keep in touch with each other for it to count?

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

[Good luck, Winry. Oswald has faith in you.]

It's up to you! I'd say once a month at the least, but if you've got an exciting life, like me, you'll end up writing your penpal three times a week.

[musubi]

This is being forced on me against my will. I feel I have the right to an objection.

[kingofwaste]

Overruled! Now get to writin'. Your partner seems to think you're an unpleasant, stupid jerk, so go prove her wrong.

[Voice]

[mistlegacy]

[A soft chuckle when she sees Kain on the list and who he's partnered with.]

I approve.

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

Heheh, thanks! Glad I could be of service. [... Sort of.]

[voice]

[godbent]

[The pizza guy...

...To be fair, the one she had a problem with (Duo) has been gone for a long time so maybe she can use this as an excuse to get back on good footing. No need to hold a grudge without purpose. Or give her idea a bad image]

Good work, Oswald. I approve of all these match ups.

[voice]

[kingofwaste]

[Hoho, approval! Not that Oswald expected Haruhi to have any problems with these matches. He worked very hard on this, after all. But getting compliments where compliments are due is always nice.]

I'll keep workin' hard, Boss!

[Written]

[antlioncyclone]

[I

what?

what the hell]

Letters about what?

[Written]

[kingofwaste]

Anything! Everything! Whatever ya feel like writing.

[Voice]

[uccellodifuoco]

What if someone is sent back home? How do you expect the other half to send them letters?

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

If your partner's sent home, just lemme know and I'll take over for them. Then, when another partner is sent home, I'll hook you two up together, geddit?

[voice]

[chainedraven]

[What the hell is this]

...I'm not interested.

[voice]

[kingofwaste]

Sure you are! It's a great idea!

[accepted]

...What if your writing isn't that good. Can't you just talk to the person instead?

[eyesofstrength]

[And Leonhardt has used his awesome spying skills to find out who Caius is already. So he may as well say he's fine with an alternative or reading bad handwriting.]

Since that is me I would be fine with whatever is decided. I am sure I have seen worse handwriting so you need not worry about it.

[dragoneer]

[Oh good. Someone he totally doesn't even know. Which is mostly the point. But still.]

Just...one question. How are we supposed to deliver the letters? Just...leave them on their porch and run?

[kingofwaste]

However you like! Write it in your journal, send a post pigeon, slide it under their door, hide the letter in their cereal... You name it.

[bloodypocket]

... You were observing us? [Forget everything else only this part matters right now.]

[kingofwaste]

Yup. Sittin' in the square taking notes and such. I did my research, kid.

[By which he means he lingered in the town square for about an hour a week and got a lot of recommendations from Grune, really.]

[rather_be_surfing]

...Say what now?

[How did he end up getting pulled into this...and who is the Reyson person, anyway?]

[kingofwaste]

Need your ears cleaned, pal? It's all there in the announcement.

[mythbuster]

[Who are you. Who is this Kazuma person.]

"Too shy"? Minako-nee is on this list. [What are you talking about.]

[kingofwaste]

Well, yeah, I needed some social people to balance out the shy ones! Helps 'm come out of their shells, ya know?

[voice]

[failguardian]

Wooohooo~! I can't wait! Is this Yuan guy rich? ♥

[voice]

[kingofwaste]

I have no clue, but hey, you'll have plenty of time to ask him!

[Voice]

[dissonates]

What did you call me!?

[HE IS NOT ASCH THE GRUMPY YOU STUPID RAT]

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

Uh... [Shuffles through his notes.] It's Asch the Grumpy, right?

[Written]

[dragoon_pride]

No. I refuse.

[So not amused by this.]

Your threats don't scare me.

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

That's what ya say now. But trust me, I have my ways. Best save yourself the trouble and get started on your letter, pal.

[Voice]

[thenightmarebegins]

[He wonders how he even ended up on such a list...]

Why...?

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

I think the question you should be asking yourself is "Why not?" Then you'll find that there is no reason not to.

[Voice]

[memoryboxes]

Oh...!

...

What's this, exactly? I don't remember...

[Signing up... to anything... :|a]

[Voice]

[kingofwaste]

It's Project Hydra Social! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine.

VOICE

[asobouyo]

[Omigosh.]

Y-you mean—I get a penpal, too?? Really?

[I WILL WRITE THEM ALL DAY AND NIGHT AND THEY WILL KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MY SCHOOL AND MY DRAWINGS AND MY FAVORITE COLORS!!]

VOICE

[kingofwaste]

Yup, really! So be sure to write 'm as much as you can, okay?

[tailasoldastime]

Unbeknownst?

[...]

Unbeknownst?

[He doesn't even know he's on that list - he hasn't bothered to try and read out the names.]

... You've been watching people... unbeknownst to them... and are making them write to each other?!

[Do you sense his temper starting to get the better of him? 'Cause his temper's starting to get the better of him.]

[kingofwaste]

[Beast is basically summarizing what Oswald just said, yes, but that tone of voice is very ominous.]

E-err... yeah. That's... That's the general gist of it.

[seleniahymn]

... Is this really the best way to establish friendships? [Tear will still participate, but she's a little uncomfortable writing to someone she hardly knows.]

[kingofwaste]

Only one way to find out, right? You've got nothin' to lose by trying.

voice

[analyzing]

Um...

[She's usually all for these things but being watched for a month or so— kinda creepy, even for her.]

voice

[kingofwaste]

[When Oswald said he'd observed the village, he was exaggerating quite a bit. But he likes to make it seem like he did his homework, so he won't admit to this.]

Hm?